My husband and I come from very different backgrounds, which is not unusual for many couples. When my husband first met my family , he watched with amazement at how very talkative we could be, and he rarely could get a word into a conversation with us. When I met his family, their laid-back style, where they sometimes sat outside and were comfortable with nothing being said, felt awkward and unusual to me. Neither family style was “wrong,” but they were definitely different!
Differences between people, whether they are spouses, business partners, or friends, can be complementary or cause conflict. Differences might include being quiet or outgoing, a spender or a saver, loves sports or animals versus one who does not, to name a few. Spending time with someone who is different than you are can allow you to learn the benefits of their personality or interests. A discussion between people who have differences, if both are able to be open-minded and listen to the other person’s point of view, can be a teaching moment for both. A saver and a spender can learn money management ideas from each other and make changes in their own use of money that they enjoy, for example. However, if either or both feel strongly that their point of view is “right” and are unable or unwilling to see things from the perspective of the other, arguments and standoffs can occur. Then, no one wins.
Sometimes it seems safer to live with the same beliefs and lifestyle that you have always had, or that you were taught as a child. Challenging those beliefs may seem like a betrayal, perhaps to parents who taught you your beliefs, or even to yourself. I prefer to see such a challenge, or, at least being open to listening to another’s point of view, as an opportunity for growth and learning. When you really listen to someone with different ideas than you have, you can better understand the other person’s perspective and, perhaps, have a better understanding of your own! Sharing your ideas with another person in a non-combative way can help you clarify for yourself what brought you to your beliefs and to understand yourself better. What a boring world this would be if we were all the same!
After 43 years of marriage, I am still more talkative than my husband, especially around my extended family members, but we understand and accept our differences, and it works!
You may want to use this period of time, when opinions about many things are running high, to listen to others and to share your opinions (NOT your criticisms of them!). We all might learn something and live together with increased harmony. 🙂
Stay safe!
Jane Pavich LCSW, 5/16/2020
